United Estates of Madge: United Estates of Madge (What Was That All About Edition)

$5 plates, a bust of Elvis, Grecian urns, a John Paul Gaultier armoire, and dresses worn by Miss South Carolina. These are just a few items that this bizarro sale had today; it was so bizarro I could not wait until Sunday to include with my other updates.

First off, the driveway...the grade on this bad boy had to be at least 30%. BCF and I were panting when we got to the top.

Here's BCF almost tumbling down the driveway.

We finally summit the driveway and make it inside. The house is SPECTACULAR. Just amazing. But everything is way overpriced. There was a complete room of Christmas Ornaments and the cheapest one started out at $5...that's how over priced we are talking.

We made our way into the basement area, where the more affordable things are located. And out of no where we are bombarded by this overpowering voice letting us know that everything was for sale, including all the fixtures. BCF then strikes up a convo about where this 6'7" man who may or may not be gay, who is also clearly intoxicated, is moving to. "Oh I'm moving home to Ohio to take care of my parents."

This is when Madge chimes in, "Oh really, I'm from Michigan." Candied homeowner then asks where I am from. I tell him the small town I grew up in, and in a rage of excitement exclaims that he "LOVES" that town. Here I am thinking, wait a moment...are we speaking of the same town? Because I know no one who really "LOVES" that town.

He then proceeds to explain that he used to be a professional Polish dance teacher...wanted to know if I polkaed...if I was Polish, etc. Ohh, we opened a can of worms.

Somehow we snuck out without him noticing and started to make our way to the other sections of the house...

Here is the pool lined with statues.

Bust of Elvis in the living room.

We made it half way through the living room when he screamed across the house at us, "Hey Polish Girl...let's polka." He proceeded to come over to where he danced and sang and gave me lots of hugs, and long hugs at that. At one point I mouthed out, "HELP ME" to BCF. I understand that it must be hard to sell your a-freaking-mazing house and earthly possessions; however we have crossed the friendly bubble barrier.

The strangest thing we came across had to have been in the bathroom. Now, it's quite apparent that I am one for a good monogram. However, this...takes the cake for any sort of personalization I have ever thought of.

Ladies and gentlemen, that is a roll of monogrammed toliet paper.

I ended up snagging two cute funky magnets.

Lucy and Desi.

1952 Hebrew National Frakfurter Queen.

We high tailed it outa' there before we had to come in contact with the Polish dancing king. The journey down the driveway was even more difficult that the way up. We literally had to walk sideways.